TK Sheffield is the author of The Backyard Model Mysteries. You can find out more about her on her website, www.tksheffieldwriter.com, or by clicking here, read her last post here, and buy her books here.
“A writer’s existence is filled with drama,” TK Sheffield says. “From constant rejection to self-doubt to research history filled with skullduggery, writers are the perfect TV contestant.”
Robert Frost said, “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.” Was he foreshadowing reality television—programs full of drama, the perfect platform for aspiring novelists?
Have you heard of The Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette?” They’re guilty-pleasure entertainment and fascinating character studies. But I propose something better, a spin-off titled The Golden Novelist. The path to publication is bumpy. According to none other than George Orwell, writing a novel is like “suffering a long bout with a painful illness.” Contrary to the theme that authors write alone, The Golden Novelist would bring writers to a remote country manor plagued by storms and power outages where novelists would compete in challenges to remain in-house.
The show would need hosts. A mysterious, standoffish butler and warm-hearted cook would be the perfect sounding boards for the contestants. Shhh, don’t tell, but they’d be famous authors in disguise and provide insight in off-stage confessionals.
The Golden Novelist television show would be Survivor meets The Addams Family with a writing twist.
Challenges include describing Agatha Christie novels, and then contestants compete to guess the titles. The winner would receive a consultation with an editor or agent. Losers would gather firewood for the manor in the haunted forest, then return only if they can pass a surprise writing test proctored by the ghost of Strunk. Or White.
Other challenges would have contestants writing their novel’s logline, its one-line description, or go skydiving with a parachute packed by Scooby Doo. Other challenges include a test to discover comp titles for their books. Authors could use a lifeline to phone another writer for assistance. In a team challenge, authors would pair up to write synopses of their novels. Three paragraphs to describe a 300-page book. Timed event. Basically impossible. They may need a lifeline for that one, too. There could be a baking competition using recipes from culinary mysteries. The winner would get a pitch to an agent. The loser would get KP duty in the haunted kitchen.
Contestant Characters and Tropes
The Golden Novelist has so much potential! In addition to highlighting the wisdom of the famous authors in disguise as Butler or Cook, think of the contestants: An ingenue with a secret. The bakery owner who dreams of writing culinary mysteries. The retired detective with memories of true crime stories. The separated couple who writes stories together and just can’t quit one another.
Tropes would abound: The remote manor. A haunted woods. A nosy reporter. The lightbulb moment. A twist ending. The show would require a twist ending, naturally. Viewers would demand it.
Yes, The Golden Novelist TV show would have it all: Drama, conflict, intrigue, romance, success. Each season would be given a writing-related name, such as Flipping the Script. Or Plot Twist. The show must debut during the fall. Halloween is the perfect time for writing shenanigans.
So, before accepting that writing is a lonely existence without outside input or drama, consider a writer’s reality show—it would make a GREAT story!
Follow TK Sheffield on Instagram @TheBackyardModel for book news, fun, and views of her beautiful backyard.
Great idea. I just green-lighted it.
Fabulous, thank you! You’re our executive producer, a must-have character in this reality drama. You could have a paneled office in the remote manor and counsel authors throughout the series!
I think there should be a grammar and conventions of English test. Also a debate about the Oxford comma, yes or nay.
Yes! Perfect! I need to write this as a novel … “Plot Twist,” a reality show thriller!
Great concept. Alas, I fear I would be rejected there too.
Fear not, Carl! Many departing characters return to find glory. Your trope would be the Resurrection Character!
I love this idea! Although, I cook by smoke detector so I know I would be on KP duty, but haunted kitchen? Hmmm…that could be interesting! 🙂
A kitchen smoke detector adds a fabulous twist! You’re our Chef with a Secret!
This was hysterical, but also terrifying to me. After 17 years as a TV critic, I can’t bear the thought of seeing a “reality TV” show, let alone participate in one.
Yes, I can understand … there is a role open as a wise counselor in disguise, however. Author-participants could use your expertise!
Only a writer could come up with this idea, T.K.! Great concept. I would miserably fail on all the times contests…I can be slow, slow, slow sometimes. This is one I’d rather sit and watch rather than join and participate!
Hi Margaret. Glad you like the concept! You could be a lifeline that one of the participants could call! Or, one of the trusted counselors in disguise! 🙂
Love this and I have another “take” on this written already in my next newsletter (coming out around Thanksgiving/mail list signup at my website). You and I are thinking alike. Gotta get book buzz going in new ways these days. We authors have to have fun or why permit ourselves to all this agony of writing, writing, writing for so little sales sometimes?! Great post! Thank you!
Hi Christine! Glad you like it. Can’t wait to read your version in the newsletter!
Culinary mystery authors should be forced to whip up a gourmet feast for the other attendees. Watching a show like this would be as stressful as being a part of the cast!
Hi Galit. Yes, definitely. The culinary authors would have a challenge, for sure. Wouldn’t the “Authors Tell All” episode be interesting? We could hear all about the behind-the-scenes stress. 😉
This is so much fun! And a little too close to home. The timed synopses challenge in particular sounds terrifying! Thanks for a great read and reminding of us that the writing life is filled with challenges.
Hi Colleen. Glad you like the idea … timed synopses would be in teams, which may help. They’d get a lifeline, too!
I’m LMAO! What a clever and carefully-planned scenario. I love it, and the comments are wonderful, too. The country mansion must have an attic with a trunk full of old somethings that reveal secrets from several authors’ forebears. And naturally, dangers….
Hi Saralyn. A trunk of old somethings? YES! Fabulous idea!
Very clever post! I especially cringe at the 3 paragraph synopsis. Thanks for sharing!
Good lord, I got anxious just thinking about the pressure!
Funny stuff! Thanks for the chuckle 🙂